Cruise ships are floating ecological disasters that mostly take you from tourist trap to tourist trap, but hey, at least you get to tell people you visited multiple countries on one vacation. And while drinks packages cost more than $100 a day, you can’t even bring any weed with you. Still, people continue to go on cruises that cost more than staying at an all-inclusive resort, and apparently, some are even insane enough to pay for a Royal Caribbean cruise that is scheduled to last NINE GAT-DANG MONTHS.
It’s called the Ultimate World Cruise, and it embarked on December 10 with a promise from Royal Caribbean that it will take passengers to “150+ destinations and 11 World Wonders, across 7 continents and 60+ countries.” Oh, and if you wanted the smallest room with no windows, it reportedly cost more than $50,000, which works out to about $5,500 a month. Those who wanted a larger room with a window or even a suite probably had to pay double or even triple that amount.
The cruise has, of course, attracted some travel influencers who see this as an opportunity to make money. And they’ll probably be successful, but at what cost? You’re trapped on a boat with a relatively small group of people for nine months. There’s no way that’s not going to end in disaster for some of them.
It’s not even a question that there will be viral outbreaks. The real question is how many there will be, and which diseases everyone is going to get. At the very least, some of the older people on the ship are going to die, although we wouldn’t be surprised if at least a few of them are planning to do exactly that. Then again, cruising ‘til you croak is probably preferable to spending your final years in some poorly run retirement home.
The real fun is going to start when the interpersonal drama begins. There will definitely be some drunken fights. Someone’s falling over the railing, and their body will never be found. Maybe it will be an accident, but what if it’s murder? Friendships will end publicly on TikTok. Some amount of swinging is basically a given. Couples who started the cruise together are going to break up. At least one person is getting pregnant. Cliques are going to form. A polycule is going to form. A sex cult is going to form. Maybe the polycule will be the sex cult. Maybe the sex cult will feud with the polycule.
It all sounds like way too much for us, but maybe it will be worth it for a few rich TikTok influencers? We’ve got more than eight months to find out.
