Update, Friday, March 8, 2024 11:20 a.m. EST: Our friend George Santos is back, folks! That’s right, during President Biden’s State of the Union Address, Santos gave his own little SOTU. He posted on social media that he’d once again be running for the House of Representatives, challenging follow Republican Nick Lalota for the privilege of representing the good people of eastern Long Island (read: The Hamptons). It’ll be an uphill battle for George since he’s still in a whole lot of trouble with Johnny Law, but we believe in our silly little man. Go, George, Go!
We messed up. Back in 2021, well before George Santos graced the halls of Congress, we wrote about one of his earliest lies: how much gas he uses and how much he pays for it. We fear this may have started the whole witchhunt against our beloved and iconic George that eventually led to his expulsion from Congress, and we are deeply sorry for it.
Our Editor-in-chief, Rory Carroll, has even admitted that if he knew how cool and fun Gorgeous George would be, he never would have posted that story. The rest of the staff agrees. If we could turn back time, we would, but unfortunately, we’ve now got to live in the ruins of what we’ve done to the world.
Not only was George an inspiration to liars everywhere, but he was also lauded as a gay icon by many. On top of that, he was a man who wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done for his constituents in Northern Queens and western Long Island. What exactly he accomplished remains a mystery to me, but he brought vibes and rizz that any citizen would be proud to have.
George also wasn’t afraid to lie. He was so good at it too… until we got nosey and fucked it all up. Why couldn’t we just leave George alone? He had a plan for America that was bigger than all of us, but we just had to chase those goddamn clicks. It’s awful to think about what we’ve done to this once proud nation.
What the Prince of Long Island will do next is anyone’s guess. Perhaps a reality TV show, perhaps jail time, perhaps a return to his drag queen roots. If he could find it in his heart to forgive us, George has a home here at Jalopnik. We cannot pay him, but he would be great as an official mascot, wouldn’t he? He sort of fits in our whole thing.
Before I go, I’d once again like to reiterate how sorry the entire Jalopnik staff is for stifling the light of George Santo’s beautiful career. George was the best guy around, and we took him for granted Better things are on the horizon for you buddy. It’s not goodbye, it’s see you soon. <3
