In ‘Why Are People Into That?,’ Tina Horn Provides a Razor-Sharp, Inclusively Structured Taxonomy of Kink

Are there any resources you recommend for BDSM or kink-curious people who might not see much representation of their desires in their daily lives?

Well, there are as many different styles of BDSM as there are people. You know, one thing that I talk about in the book is that sexuality is often siloed in its representation. I see people struggling to appreciate that someone’s taste in sexuality can be as varied and adaptable as their taste in music or movies or food or sports or, you know, any hobby or interest, and I make a lot of effort within the book to make allegorical comparisons to other things that people are interested in. I think that “church and state” and medical institutions, particularly mental health institutions, have kind of created this binary of normal and abnormal that is just really shackling people and preventing them from feeling like they can explore their desires in their own way. My recommendation is to seek out podcasts and books and fiction and nonfiction in all mediums about sexuality, and also, if you find one thing and it’s not to you tastes, it’s really sort of like dating and compatibility, right? If you go on one date and, you know, there’s no chemistry with that person, for the most part, people do not just abandon the prospect of finding a connection. Keep hunting, and keep being open-minded and curious.

Something that I document in the book is how I spent a long time in my youth reading a lot, and being really up in my head and overthinking, but everything I know that is useful and that I can impart to people in my work comes from experience. It comes from in-the-flesh experience with people, and it’s everyone’s prerogative to do that in their way and in their own style. Not everyone has to be a mega-slut, as I am and have been. [Laughs.] But it’s like, just start! First, do no harm, but have experiences, make mistakes, build resilience, and talk to your friends, because you have these resources of humanity all around you. Become the friend that instigates conversations about sexuality with your platonic friends; you need to be able to talk about the things that are pleasurable, the things that are weird, the things that feel great, the things that don’t feel right. You need to be able to check each other’s heads, and if you don’t already have that, please hear me now and believe me later: instigate that among your friends, because it’s going to make everybody’s lives better. Also, 7 Days of Domination and Kink Academy are great sex-worker-created online fetish education resources, and Kink Out and Hacking//Hustling are political, artistic, and community-building resources that I love.