Make sure to get your Drew Carey spayed or neutered — or he’ll graphically equate going to a concert to having sex on network TV.
On Tuesday’s episode of CBS’ “After Midnight” — a fake game show hosted by comedian Taylor Tomlinson that airs after “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” — Carey delivered a passionate diatribe about recently seeing the jam-band Phish at Sphere in Las Vegas.
The completely bonkers moment took place during the “talk show portion” of Tomlinson’s game show, in which she asks silly questions to contestants, who are typically comedians.
“Drew, if you weren’t being filmed right now, what would you say?” Tomlinson asked the “Price is Right” host.
At this, Carey walked in front of his game show podium to address the audience, a move that seemed to surprise Tomlinson.
“So, I saw Phish at the Sphere this weekend,” Carey began as he began to walk wildly around the stage. “Never saw Phish, didn’t know a Phish tune, and they …blew my mind off so hard.”
“I had a bunch of girls with me, and I thought to myself is this what it’s like to—” Carey said before his audio was cut off with a series of beeps for saying something overtly sexual.
“It was like being edged for four days straight,” Carey said while continuing to describe the concert. “And then right before the face-melting climax at the end of the fourth day, an angel comes down from heaven, Gabriel, and he shoots [expletive] heroin in your arm, and he says, ‘Good luck now [expletive]!’ And he leaves, and you have an orgasm for 15 minutes while your eyeballs fall out of your head!”
The moment was so hilarious and unhinged that it left Tomlinson looking like this:
Screenshot from After Midnight/CBS via YouTube
“Wny did they let Drew talk?” fellow contestant and Carey’s longtime friend “Weird Al” Yankovic thought aloud after the comedian’s rant.
“HR wants to talk to all of you,” fellow contestant and “Reno 911!” alum Thomas Lennon joked to the audience.
But Tomlinson had the best comeback when she sarcastically said:
“That was so great, and we can definitely use all of it, absolutely, absolutely we can. And I don’t want you guys to take my next sentence as any indication that we can’t use it.”
She then addressed Carey.
“Oh, you’d like to pass? That’s OK …Thomas, what would you replace Arbor Day with?” she said, making a joke that she was using a new line for editing purposes.
The rest of the episode was littered with cracks by Lennon and Yankovic referencing Carey’s manic moment.
This, however, was not the first time Carey has expressed his unbridled feelings about attending his first Phish performance.
On Monday, he took to X, formerly Twitter, and expressed a few more obscene thoughts about going to the concert.
“I swear I just talked to God,” Carey tweeted Monday. “I would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this. Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie.”
