EXCLUSIVE
“Missing and loving you all xxxxxxx.”
It’s the final text Craig sent to his family before he ended his own life three months ago, at age 54.
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“We are all in disbelief,” daughter Taylor, 31, tells 7Life.
“We were completely blindsided when we got the news. I cannot reiterate enough that this happened to a man who you genuinely would never think was struggling.
“How did my dad who was outwardly happy, successful, loved and had more friends than most, get to this point without any of us having any idea? From the outside, this was a man who had everything in his life that anyone could ever dream of.”
The “young and healthy” FIFO employee was happily married with two daughters and three grandkids, financially comfortable and enjoyed getting home from work to ride and drive his most prized possessions — including Harley Davidson bikes and a 1957 Chevrolet.
However, things took an agonising turn in early March when the “laidback, easy going, true blue” Aussie dad died by suicide — leaving his family to endure unimaginably painful grief.
The fly-in-fly-out employee had split his time between Australia and overseas where he was working in the oil and gas industry.
“He would be home for a month, and gone for a month,” Taylor says.
In the weeks leading up to him heading back to work, the devoted family man was spending quality time with his loved ones in Australia.
“He bought a suit for my sister’s wedding that was scheduled for three weeks after he took his life … and discussed with me what date I should host my son’s birthday party to ensure he would be home,” Taylor says.
“There was a lot to look forward to.”
Just one week before he travelled back overseas, Taylor says her dad was “happy as ever” when he was playing with his grandson on the trampoline.
Craig had mentioned to his family he was feeling stressed about work — but nothing rang alarm bells about the conversation because he had been in the industry for more than two decades.
“We knew he was stressed, he would talk to us about being stressed but that wasn’t unusual,” Taylor says.
“Having done a high-pressure job for over 20 years, he had always managed it well in the past.
“My mum even asked my dad, ‘Are you OK?’ just a few days before he took his life, and he said, ‘Yes honey, I’m fine’.”
Taylor said her mum dropped Craig off at the airport, as she always does when he headed back to work.
“They had their usual hug and kiss, said ‘I love you, see you soon’ … and nothing seemed out of the ordinary,” Taylor says.
Heartbreaking final text
When Craig sent his final text message to the family’s group chat, no one suspected anything unusual.
“We are a very loving family and always say ‘I love you’ to each other, so we didn’t think anything of it,” Taylor explains.
“Because dad worked overseas, his ‘love you and miss you’ text message wasn’t out of character.”
Taylor says she responded to her dad’s text immediately letting him know she would FaceTime him later that afternoon so he could chat to his grandson, followed by a video of her son playing and laughing.
“We do know that he viewed my messages, but he never responded and took his life very soon after,” she says.
“In hindsight, I wish I called him straight away or responded that I love him too, but I thought we’d get to talk that afternoon.”
After five days into his month-long job abroad, his family received the devastating news that Craig had unexpectedly died — but were given no cause of death for the first 24 hours.
“All of his family and friends were convinced he had passed from a natural cause like a heart attack or stroke because we would have never expected the alternative,” Taylor says.
“When we got confirmation we were all in disbelief. It is still hard to fathom … dad did not indicate to any family, friends or colleagues that he was struggling with depression.
“He showed no signs or symptoms of mental health issues, and has never spoken to his GP about it. To be honest, we think he didn’t even know he was struggling with his mental health until it was too late.”
‘Our hearts break’
Taylor says her family are struggling with her dad’s suicide — as they try to “get through the day carrying so much grief with no way to get closure”.
“We have so many questions that we will never have answers to,” she explains.
“More specifically, for my sister and I, not only are we grieving the loss of our dad, but we are grieving for our children who have lost their poppy who they loved and adored.
“My mum has lost the love of her life and she has to now come to terms with her future looking much different than the one they had planned together.
“The fact he was here one minute, gone the next, and with absolutely no warning signs feels almost impossible to come to terms with.
“We will never understand how we got here. Our hearts break that he was hurting so much that this is what he wanted to do.”
With a toddler son to care for and a successful business to run, the young mum has been able to find the strength to “get up every day and keep carrying on with life as if it were normal”.
“It has helped because if it weren’t for my responsibilities I can’t imagine I would’ve even dragged myself out of bed in those early weeks,” she says.
“As a family we are just leaning on each other and always talking about how we are feeling. We each find sharing our story and talking to other people is helping to manage our grief because it makes us feel less alone in what we are experiencing.
“My mum lives within an incredible community that has rallied around her and she has been channelling her grief into spreading awareness too and has been doing wonderful things for their small town by organising a Blue Tree Project installation for their small town.“
Blue Tree Project, a suicide prevention and awareness organisation, was founded with a mission to help spark difficult conversations and encourage people to speak up when experiencing mental health concerns.
Reflecting on her life with her dad, Taylor says he was an “incredible man” who “lived life to the fullest”.
“He was loyal to a fault, fun, respectful, had the best sense of humour and everyone who met him loved him. He had the biggest, brightest smile and he lit up a room. Just a one in a million kind of man. He worked hard to provide a beautiful life for his family,” Taylor says.
“But it just goes to show that depression and suicide does not discriminate. It does not matter if you are loved, successful, financially comfortable and have everything you could’ve ever dreamed of.
“If you are struggling mentally, none of those things seem to matter.”
Taylor says more needs to done beyond RUOK? — a suicide prevention charity that encourages people to regularly check in on family, friends and colleagues.
“Are you OK? is a closed-ended question. The premise behind it is wonderful, but it simply doesn’t get people talking, because if they don’t want to talk they can just respond ‘Yes’ and that is the end of the conversation,” she says.
“What about asking someone, ‘What is on your mind?’. It would be more thought-provoking and hopefully encourage people to actually open up a little bit more.“
If she could turn back time, Taylor says she would prioritise having conversations about mental health at the family dinner table.
“I would just talk to dad about how important it is to look after his mental health,” she says.
“From what we know now, he was good at keeping things to himself.”
Taylor believes her dad’s death could have been avoided if there was more education around recognising the symptoms between stress and depression because they are “two very different things”.
She hopes to break the stigma around mental health for everyone, men especially.
“Conversations around mental health do not need to be taboo. Today’s middle-aged men were raised in an era where no one talked about their struggles. Men were raised to be tough and not to cry and, if they did, they were weak. It couldn’t be further from the truth,” Taylor says.
“In 2024 we should be encouraging people to talk, whether it be to family, friends, medical professionals or charities and hotlines that provide 24/7 free and confidential counselling. There is no shame.
“The loss of my dad is a heavier burden to carry than the blessing it would have been if he allowed me the opportunity to help him.
“If that alone makes a man realise that he is not burdening his family by sharing with them that he is struggling, then the loss of my dad will ensure another family will not know this heartache.”
If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
For further information about depression contact Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 or talk to your GP, local health professional or someone you trust.
