A bridesmaid has found herself in a pickle after realising she needed to fork out $8000 to attend her best friend’s wedding at a European destination.
When her friend Kayla got engaged over Christmas, the woman didn’t ask if she would be a bridesmaid, because it was an “automatic given” as the two had been inseparable since primary school.
However, the bridesmaid said she now feels guilt over plans to pull out of the big day after the date of the wedding unexpectedly changed, from 2025 to four months from now, due to the couple’s family pressures.
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It’s unclear where the friends are from but the wedding is being held at a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town.
“I love Kayla but the problem is that her wedding is taking place overseas and would cost more than I think is reasonable,” the bridesmaid said in a Reddit thread.
She said she and her husband were expected to spend at least $8000 for the seven-day wedding celebration.
“Between flights, hotel around $300 per night for seven days, rental car, bridesmaid dress, full traditional outfit required to be worn for some of the events… as well as general incidentals, and we are looking at a minimum $8000,” she said.
“Kayla was very apologetic about the change when she announced it but has not acknowledged just how big of an impact this is.”
Despite the bridesmaid and her husband living comfortable lives with “good jobs”, the couple have spent four years saving for a dream trip around Japan to celebrate their 10-year anniversary.
“We had just booked flights when the wedding date change was announced,” she said.
“Kayla didn’t know I had just booked flights, and when she broke the news she actually said, ‘You’re so lucky, you’ve been saving all that money for a vacation anyway’.”
But here’s where the bridesmaid feels she may be in the wrong if she ends up ditching the bridal party.
“I also had a destination wedding,” she said.
“My husband and I got married right out of university when most of our friends, including Kayla, didn’t have particularly good or secure jobs.
“We know now this wasn’t exactly fair of us.
“But we split the rental of a big house with all our friends, and flights to Alaska aren’t anywhere near the $2000 each it would cost us to fly to Kayla’s wedding.”
The bridesmaid said she now feels “scared” to tell her friend the truth about why she and her husband can’t attend — that it’s “too damn expensive”.
“It will ruin our friendship. I could see why it would,” she said.
“She was a bridesmaid for me while far less financially secure than we are now and she knows we have a lot of money saved for travel.
“I fear she would question if our friendship is not worth cancelling our Japan plans and flights.
“Our friendship means a lot to me but I don’t think it’s fair to plan a wedding this expensive to attend and expect me to cancel our dream trip to accommodate it.”
‘Insane cost’
Her post has been met with more than 390 comments, many describing the cost for the wedding destination as “insane”.
“$8000 is an outlandish amount to ask anyone to pay to come to a wedding. Ever. Full stop,” one said.
“The answer is, ‘We just can’t afford it. We cannot spend that kind of money on this. I’m so sorry, we can’t. We booked our Japan vacation already, not knowing that you were going to change the date, and we can’t do this’. Tell her the truth.”
Another suggested: “Kayla is ridiculous for thinking anyone but parents and family would cough up that much for a wedding”.
One added: “It was pretty rude to expect your friend to use their 10-year anniversary fund which they have been saving up for a while on your wedding”.
The bridesmaid suggested she might come up with a “lie” to get out of the bridal party.
But most urged her to come clean — as many pointed out she would destroy their friendship if the bride ever found out she wasn’t telling the truth.
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