Offices are primed for awkward encounters: You have to be casual, professional and personable, often in 30-second exchanges.
Knowing how to navigate those short, and slightly clumsy, conversations can actually help your career, says workplace expert Henna Pryor. A major reason people don’t get promotions — or reach their “pinnacle level of success” — is because they avoid discomfort, she tells CNBC Make It.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone can feel scary, especially for introverts or Gen Zers who’ve spent a minimal amount of time in offices following the Covid-19 pandemic. Starting small, even with seemingly inconsequential conversations with peers, can prepare you to broach more difficult conversations with your boss, she says.
“Social uncertainty is always part of the game,” says Pryor. “But when we’re growing, we need to take micro-risks. [That] might mean raising your hand and suggesting something in a meeting, even if you’re unsure of how it’ll land.”
Here are Pryor’s four favorite easy tips to strengthen your awkwardness endurance.
Find allies
You don’t have to build your social confidence alone.
One of Pryor’s clients once had a boss tell her she needed to participate more in meetings, she says. It felt incredibly daunting, and the client didn’t know how to interject without feeling like she was interrupting.
Pryor suggested she enlist an “awkward army,” full of people she trusted, to give her an entry point into conversations. The client ended up asking her boss if they could explicitly invite her into conversations, says Pryor.
The strategy helped her feel less weird speaking in front of other people, and showed her how to naturally segue her perspective into group meetings, Pryor says.
Gamify participation
Instead of fixating on wins and losses, Pryor suggests celebrating your “at-bats.” Make participating in conversations feel like a game: Every time you contribute to a meeting, draw a star in your notes. If you have a difficult conversation with a peer or superior, put a sticker in your planner.
The goal: accumulate more stars and stickers, and keep track of how often you put yourself out there.
Prioritizing effort over perfection will help you feel like you’re making progress, says Pryor. Don’t worry if your conversations feel halting — practice will eventually grow your confidence.
“The underpinning of any of the skill-building that feels awkward is to ruthlessly prioritize process over outcome,” she says.
Note your small wins
Yearly reviews attract weirdness — you have to relieve past mistakes, and pointing out overlooked wins to your boss can feel egotistical.
You don’t have to wait until January to talk about your progress, Pryor suggests: You can give your boss a heads up whenever you accomplish any goal, big or small.
“If it feels too braggadocious to go to your boss at the end of the week and say, ‘Look at all these cool things I did this week,’ you can set up an email template for yourself,” she says. “Say, ‘Hey boss, I just want to share a few of the hurdles we overcame this week.'”
That way, when it does come time to ask for a raise, you have documentation and are merely summarizing past conversations.
Embrace awkwardness
With a shift to remote and hybrid work, many workers lost their “social muscle,” and simply need practice interacting with coworkers, says Pryor.
Adults have felt more socially anxious and had more trouble forming relationships since the pandemic’s onset, studies show. And even in a best-case scenario, the most confident people still feel socially uncomfortable from time to time.
“Unless someone has figured out how to wave a wand and eliminate all uncertainty from their life — and they can predict every action and reaction of every human they ever come across — then they are going to experience this emotion,” Pryor says.
Lean into it, she suggests. Start small: Commit to keeping your phone in your pocket during elevator rides or in checkout lines in the grocery store, and keep yourself open to finding connections with others.
It’s OK to mess up — everyone does. Sometimes, the trick to seeming more relatable is making fun of yourself when you feel out of sorts, says Pryor. She cites actress Jennifer Lawrence, who tripped on her gown running up the stairs to accept the Oscar Award for Best Actress in 2013.
Instead of merely blushing and thanking the Academy, Lawrence laughed it off and said, “You guys are just standing up because you feel bad that I fell, and that’s really embarrassing, but thank you!”
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