This is how we do it: ‘She bought some manuals – now she’s fantastic at oral sex’ | Sex

Fred, 69

Mary has been known to waltz into my room naked in the morning and initiate

Mary and I call Friday “sex night” because intimacy is always on the agenda. I am a terrible snorer, so while Mary and I always start off in bed together, I often end up sloping off to the spare room. We have been together for nearly six years, but we still like to be spontaneous. Mary has been known to waltz into my room naked in the morning and initiate.

I’m 69 and she’s 71, so our bodies are not what they once were – but I don’t care a bit. Mary has the largest breasts of any woman I’ve ever slept with. If she lies on her back, they spread out, which she worries about – but I just adore the way she looks. We are not kinky in any way – although sometimes I touch Mary all over with a feather while she’s blindfolded. We bought some sex toys once but never used them. We like going au naturel, and simply enjoying each other’s bodies.

This is a third marriage for both of us – we had both lived entire lives before meeting one another. I’d been on various dating websites for eight years before I met Mary, and I’d really given up hope, and she had her insecurities about putting herself out there again. When we first got together, she was worried about not being good in bed and bought some how-to books. Her focus was on how to become fantastic at oral sex. All I can say is she is very good at it. Although she probably had nothing to worry about in the first place, I suspect the reading built up her confidence.

Now I’m in my late 60s, I am lucky if I have one orgasm, whereas Mary usually has more than one per session. I feel uninhibited enough to talk openly with Mary about my difficulty “finishing”, which is something I don’t think I could have done in my previous marriages. Our relationship is very comfortable, but we don’t forget to express our love by surprising each other with creative gifts. In the early days, Mary painted me a picture of a man’s torso and the curves of a woman’s back and breast. I’m currently penning her an erotic haiku poem about sex in later life.

Mary, 71

I’ll be cooking and he will hug me from behind and set the wheels in motion

Fred and I met on Plenty of Fish. Online dating was a totally alien experience for me. I set my preferences to find a man who loves reading and long walks, but the algorithm just sent me blokes who watched telly all day. Fred’s profile immediately caught my attention: there was a picture of him standing in front of a mountain, his hair blowing in the wind, looking intensely into the camera. He looked like a rugged traveller out of National Geographic magazine.

It’s hard to quantify how often we have sex. Friday’s are a regular day, but Fred also initiates at random times. For instance, I’ll be cooking and he will hug me from behind and set the wheels in motion. Fred is still able to get an erection, but on rare occasions he isn’t able to achieve an orgasm. If we finish a sex session without Fred orgasming, I will try to initiate again later in the day, as he sometimes finds it easier to get there a few hours later. Fred is very open with me about this issue; part of what I love about sex with him is that no topic is off limits.

I was 20 when I married my first husband and neither of us knew anything about sex. He would do his thing and be done with it. My second husband had a terrible anger problem. When someone blows up at you, you shrink. All parts of you begin to close off to them, including your vagina. When I met Fred, I hadn’t had sex with anyone but my second husband for 30 years, and we were barely intimate towards the end. I felt lacking in confidence about my skills, particularly when it came to oral sex, so I bought a few books, and spent time practising on a plantain.

Fred was so complimentary and loving that I soon let go of my worries. He’s an incredibly generous lover: he prioritises my pleasure. From the very beginning of our relationship, he has made an effort to properly court me. Three weeks in, he sent me an erotic haiku he’d written. I thought: this man is out of this world. I’m almost 72, but as a direct result of his constant affirmations I feel sexier than I have at any point in my life. He has given me the confidence to stop fighting the ageing process, and let my hair go grey. I have a husband who tells me he will fancy me, even if I am completely bald. And I believe him.

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