Zara Larsson looks back: ‘I worried my career might be over already, aged 10’ | Life and style

Born in Stockholm in 1997, pop star Zara Larsson first shot to fame in 2008 as the winner of Talang, otherwise known as Sweden’s Got Talent. She signed to Ten Records in Sweden at the age of 14, and enjoyed homegrown success until her career launched internationally in 2014. Aside from her own albums, including the platinum-selling So Good, which remains one of the most-streamed debuts by a female artist on Spotify, her vocals have featured on hit singles such as Clean Bandit’s Symphony and Tinie Tempah’s Girls Like. Larsson’s new album, Venus, is out now.

This photo is me celebrating winning Sweden’s Got Talent. What was going through my mind? Probably just,“Weeeee!” – I was excited but not surprised. Throughout the whole competition, I knew I had a good chance.

I made the dress myself. I was singing Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On in the finale, and I wanted to wear something blue and oceanic, something that could blow in the wind a little – an outfit that made me feel like a grown woman, even though I was 10. It looked nice from a distance, but it was just a bunch of rags pinned together.

Back then, I never really had any worries or doubts about being successful, because I knew deep in my soul that I was destined to be an entertainer, which is why I entered Talang. The only thing I was worried about was the speed with which I might get that success. After the show, I presumed it would be like: boom! I’m going to get signed, I’m going to be a superstar! But nothing happened for four years. I found that very stressful, and worried my career might be over. I went back to normality.

Being in the public eye at a young age didn’t change my life, or how others treated me. I went to the Royal Swedish Ballet School, so all of my friends were musical and danced. Performing was something that everyone around me did, so whatever fame I had wasn’t a big deal. Plus it was before social media, so if anything negative was said about me, it would never have filtered through and affected me. Not that there would have been much – in Sweden, we don’t have celebrity culture. Our philosophy is centred around equality: that nobody is better than you, but nobody is worse, either.

When I was 14 I finally got signed, and ever since then it’s been nonstop, release after release. My mum – who is in the back of this photo, the one with the short hair – came with me everywhere. Up until I was 20, she would always be by my side, whether I was travelling around the world or meeting producers in studios. That’s something I’m really thankful for, because this industry is definitely tough without someone advocating for you – someone who truly cares about you and wants to protect you. If I’d just had a representative from a label looking after me I think I could have ended up in some weird situations. Like if someone had said to me, “Hey! Let’s go out and do drugs!” when I was 15, I would have probably been, like, “Absolutely! Yeah, for sure!”

As a teenager, I was a bit wild. Partying a bit, but mostly just stubborn and rude – to everyone, but mainly to my parents. I was not very academic, but I was loud, loved to debate and had very strong opinions. A lot has changed since then. Neuroscientists say your prefrontal cortex becomes fully developed at 25, and I really did feel that click when I got to that age. A sense of calm. While I am still very opinionated, I have changed a lot – for the better.

One of the main changes was the decision to move away from certain social circles, including an ex-boyfriend. We met when I was 14, and we were back and forth for way too long. At the start of 2016, I had this really successful stretch of my career – I was on David Guetta’s Euros song This One’s for You, and I released my track Lush Life. But, despite how well my career was going, I never felt like I was the main character in my life – I was just the side character in his. I was drawn into his world, hanging out with only his friends. He was also an artist, and it seemed his only passion after we broke up was to do better than me. It felt like he could not be pleased for any of my accomplishments, and he would say things like: “I want to make more money than you and I’m going to be more successful.” Since then, I’ve definitely learned to surround myself with people who are truly happy for me.

When I was 17 I got signed to Sony, and as the success continued I started to doubt myself. I worried about sustaining the momentum. Meetings became about “How can we create a product? How do we market you so we can sell you?” Everyone was working hard to try to make my career happen, and I got stylists, choreographers and songwriters. I was writing my own songs, but I wasn’t always confident enough to let anyone hear them. The older I get, however, the more I find that being part of the creative process is what I really want. Getting a billion streams was never a dream when I was 10. To truly feel satisfied, I have to make something.

That’s why I like this picture so much. There’s something very beautiful about my enthusiasm. It captures my first experience of being a real performer and being on stage. I can’t think of the last time I felt that “Weeeee!” feeling. That is one of the sad parts of getting older: I’ve been doing this for a long time, and a lot of things that once felt amazing and new, now seem a little blase. Like meeting other celebrities. Now I realise, “Oh, they’re just humans. Not that exciting.” We are people who are lucky to be doing the job that we are doing.

That’s not to say I don’t feel happy. Only last night I was talking to my friend about how appreciative I am to be alive. Being positive is the key. When I was younger I had a shirt – my absolute favourite piece of clothing that I found in a thrift shop and would wear every day. It was red and it had the words “I am the best” printed on it. It wasn’t something I wore to make a cocky statement. I just thought: “Yup, that’s me.” It made me feel that I could do anything.

Sometimes I feel nostalgic for the start of my career, when everything was so pure. I was never questioning: how were people receiving my music, how much were they streaming it. It’s very hard not to judge your success by numbers. Even now, I’m struggling a bit with my identity. I’m so secure in who I am as a person, and I never doubted my ability as an artist, but as I like so many genres it gets hard to find a niche, to distil who I am as a person via my music.

I feel so different from the little girl in the image – so much so that I almost see her as a daughter, someone who I love and am proud of. While I may not feel that level of excitement, I am still so grateful, and can cope with anything in life as a result. If something tries to bring me down, I think, “Well, that sucked, let’s move on!”