Key events
Man City 2-1 Red Star “Well,” says Rob Hisnay, “another Glazer own goal in Manchester.”
Looks like Uefa have spoiled a very good line by giving the goal to Alvarez.
Red card! Feyenoord 1-0 Celtic
Celtic are down to nine men! The substitute Odin Thiago Holm has been given a straight red for a dangerous follow-through on Mats Wieffer. You can argue it both ways – 25 years ago it wouldn’t have been a free-kick – but it won’t be overturned.
Man City had better bloody stay in the Champions League,” says Ian Copestake. “Liverpool thought it was safe from them in the Europa.”
GOAL! Barcelona 5-0 Antwerp (Joao Felix 66)
Raphinha’s beautiful inswinging cross is headed in from close range by Joao Felix, his second goal of a very comfortable night.
PENALTY MISS! Feyenoord 1-0 Celtic
The penalty is upheled – but Joe Hart guesses right and saves from Igor Paixao!
Feyenoord 1-0 Celtic It’s becoming a bad night for Celtic, who have just conceded a penalty and had Gustaf Lagerbielke sent off for a professional foul on Igor Paixao. It’s being checked by VAR though.
64 min: Man City 2-1 Red Star That may yet go down as Alvarez’s goal, as the curl might have taken the ball inside the far post. Either way, it was a bad mistake from poor Glazer.
GOAL! Man City 2-1 Red Star (Glazer og 60)
Omri Glazer, who played so well at the Etihad for 59 minutes and a bit, has just punched one into his own net. Alvarez took a free-kick on the left edge of the area, curling it towards the far corner. The ball seemed to be going wide until Glazer mistimed a punch and diverted it into his own net. It was a decent ball from Alvarez, which curled and dipped, but that’s a howler from the keeper.

GOAL! PSG 2-0 Dortmund (Hakimi 58)
Achraf Hakimi scores a delicious goal against his old club. Vitinha played a one-two-three with Hakimi, who sat Mats Hummels down and flicked the ball nonchalantly past Gregor Kobel.
The latest scores
Group E
Group F
Group G
Group H
Man City 1-1 Red Star The in-form Kyle Walker has had a goal disallowed for a very tight offside.
Actually, the offside technology suggests it wasn’t as tight as it looked to the naked eye.
GOAL! Barcelona 4-0 Antwerp (Gavi 54)
After an impromptu game of pinball in the Antwerp area, Gavi marches into the area and rams the ball high into the net with his left foot.
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 1-0 Dortmund (Mbappe 48 pen)
And an unsaveably precise penalty from Kylian Mbappe has put PSG in front. The penalty was awarded when Mbappe’s mishit shot hit the arm of Niklas Sule, who knew the square root of bugger all about it.

GOAL! Man City 1-1 Red Star (Alvarez 47)
Red Star are going to regret scoring, aren’t they? Julian Alvarez has equalised already at the Etihad, running onto a pass from Erling Haaland before rounding the keeper to score.

“Re: the Harlem Globetrotters,” begins Matt Burtz. “As usual, The Simpsons has everyone covered.”
Half-time reading
Barcelona 3-0 Antwerp
“Perhaps,” says Harriet Osborn, “Antwerp wish they had their first-choice left-back after that first-half mauling by Barca?”
Half time
Pep Guardiola walks down the tunnel looking confused and slightly affronted. City have been the victims of one of the great European stings. They’ll still win 12-1, but let’s enjoy this moment of romance while we can.
Group E
Group F
Group G
Group H
GOAL! Feyenoord 1-0 Celtic (Stengs 45+2)
A goal for Feyenoord on the storke of half time. Calvin Stengs’ free-kick bounces up a little awkwardly, and the diving Joe Hart can only push it into the net. He probably should have done better.

The goal was disallowed for offside on the field, but VAR showed Bukari was being played onside by Ruben Dias. He ran onto a lovely first-time through ball from Mirko Ivanic and swept the ball emphatically over Ederson’s left bicep. City have had 22 shots; that was Red Star’s first.
GOAL! Man City 0-1 Red Star (Bukari 45+1)
Arf. After the most one-sided half imaginable, Osman Bukari has put Red Star ahead at the Etihad!

44 min: Man City 0-0 Red Star City have brought on Jeremy Doku for Bernardo Silva, who doesn’t look thrilled with life. He must be injured, right? The expression on his coupon suggests that might not be the case.
40 min: Man City 19-0 Red Star That’s shots at goal in the first 40 minutes. Make that 21-0: Foden has just missed a great chance, heading too close to Glazer, and the follow-up shot was blocked.

PSG 0-0 Dortmund There’s a VAR check for a PSG penalty. The ball hit the outstretched arm of Niclas Sule, but it deflected off his chest first so this shouldn’t be given.
Yep, no penalty.
PSG 0-0 Dortmund PSG work a nice short corner on the left, leading to a shot from Ousmane Dembele that is turned round the near post by Gregor Kobel. I think it was going wide anyway.
PSG 0-0 Dortmund PSG have had loads of the ball, around 80 per cent, but last time I checked the only shot on target was for Dortmund.
The latest scores
Group E
Group F
Group G
Group H
Feyenoord 0-0 Celtic That Feyenoord penalty appeal a few minutes ago looked quite good to me, though I was seeing it through Premier League eyes when everything is a penalty, and you can have a red card as well if you want. At the other end, Daizen Maeda has just brought a decent save from Timon Wellenreuther.
“The atmosphere at Parc des Princes is incredible,” writes Kári Tulinius. “The PSG fans are generally really loud, and they’ve brought their A game to the match. Also, it sounds like the Dortmund contingent is giving it their all. It’s really driving the teams forward.”
34 min: Man City 0-0 Red Star Now Erling Haaland has screwed a shot wide from 10 yards. Has Pep Guardiola taken City as far as he can?
“Not going to mansplain to Charles Antaki (who writes great emails) at all,” says Joe Pearson, “but the Globetrotters always played the Washington Generals.”
31 min: Man City 0-0 Red Star City have had almost 80 per cent possession and 11 shots to none, but just look at that scoreline! Omri Glazer made a really good save from Nathan Ake a couple of minutes ago.
GOAL! Lazio 0-1 Atletico Madrid (Barrios 29)
A goal of rare beauty from Atletico. No, of course not. Pablo Barrios’s long-range shot took a huge deflection off Daichi Kamada (I think) and wrongfooted Ivan Provedel. It might go down as an own goal.
Feyenoord 0-0 Celtic There was a VAR check for a Feyenoord penalty a couple of minutes ago when the ball hit the arm of a Celtic defender right on the edge of the area. It wasn’t given, and I don’t have time to dwell on it because people keep scoring bloody goals.
GOAL! Shakhtar 1-3 FC Porto (Taremi 29)
Galeno has scored two and now he’s made one. He scurried down the left and curled a precise low cross towards Mehdi Taremi, who opened his body to sidefoot a half-volley into the far corner. That’s a masterful finish.
“It is very weird,” writes Kurt Perleberg, “that Lionel Messi & Cristiano Ronaldo is not in the UEFA Champions League for the first time in 20 years.”
I’d forgotten about that. The last season without either of them taking part, including the qualifying rounds, was 2001-02.
25 min: Man City 0-0 Red Star City continue to laugh in the face of xG, or is it the other way round? Erling Haaland has just hit the crossbar with a close-range header from Phil Foden’s inviting cross.

Match report: AC Milan 0-0 Newcastle
GOAL! Barcelona 3-0 Antwerp (Bataille og 22)
Mes que un mismatch. Raphinha’s cross from the left takes an absurd deflection off Jelle Bataille and beats Jean Butez at the near post.
The latest scores
Group E
Group F
Group G
Group H
Barcelona 2-0 Antwerp There was a check for offside but the goal stands. That’s Lewandowski’s 100th goal in European competition; only two people have more. Don’t insult me.
GOAL! Barcelona 2-0 Antwerp (Lewandowski 19)
Another very smooth team goal. De Jong released Joao Felix, who looked fractionally offside but was allowed to continue. He looked up and floated a deep cross to Lewandowski, who sidefooted a volley past your man from close range.

Paris Saint-Germain 0-0 Borussia Dortmund Vitinha has just hit the inside of the post for PSG with a cracking drive from the edge of the area.